During my first semester of senior year, we read a book titled “Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close” by Jonathan Safran Foer in AP Literature. The book contained a quote that has stuck with me and changed a large part of my life, especially the way I view relationships.
The quote is thought by the main character Oskar in regards to the relationship he has with his grandmother. The quote goes as follows, “If I had to write her life story, all I could say is that her husband could talk to animals, and that I should never love anything as much as she loved me. So here’s my question: What were we spending so much time doing if not getting to know each other?”
The moral of this story is to be completely open to the people that are in your life, whether it’s your friends, family, a significant other, or generally anyone. Don’t keep every relationship at the surface. Dive deeper and truly get to know them, because you never know when something will happen that ends their time with you, whether it be something extreme or just a parting of ways.
In order for us to do this, we need to get to know the details of the people’s lives, not just stick to the basics. Ask them about their childhood, what their favorite memory was while growing up, or what they wish they knew at age eighteen. In asking people about their lives, they feel flattered and genuinely happy that someone cared enough about them to want to know the minute details, and it probably made their day. But the people you get to know on a deeper level don’t always have to be people you’re close with, it could be a complete stranger.
Another way to create deep rooted relationships is by continuing to make an effort in that relationship. Don’t just be present one week and disappear the next, continually check up on the person and make sure they’re doing well, ask them how their day was and wish them a happy Friday or whatever day of the week it is. Care about their well-being and be there for them when they aren’t doing too shabby. Let them rant about their annoying peers or jobs when they’re angry. Ask them to go on a drive to watch the sunset or ask them to go on a cute little friend date to get coffee or some yummy foods. Always be there for them instead of only being there when it’s convenient.
The most crucial way to have close, meaningful relationships is to appreciate! Appreciate their existence and that they have allowed you into their lives. Say ‘thank you’ for small things they do. Most importantly make sure they know they are appreciated and loved at all times, even if you’re angry at them. Love and appreciation should radiate off of you and be seen and felt by all of them at all times.
Everyone has significant roles to play, and it would be a shame if years down the line the guilt of not truly knowing those people becomes suffocating.