Conspiracy Theory: Reptilian elites

The pilot for The Paw Print satire

River Finnegan, News/Feature Editor

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According to “The Atlantic,” 66 million Americans believe aliens landed in Roswell, New Mexico and 160 million citizens believe there is a conspiracy surrounding the assassination of John F. Kennedy. But how do people feel about lizard men?
Although much smaller, 12 million Americans believe shape-shifting lizard people run the United States government.
Along with government conspiracies Americans also believe celebrities like Justin Bieber, Mark Zuckerberg, Tom Cruise, Miley Cyrus, and Beyoncé can transform from their original lizard bodies to regular-looking Americans.
Cosmo and Buzzfeed reported in early Aug. fans allegedly saw Justin Bieber morphing into a lizard around an Australian outlet. Multiple accounts claim to see Bieber with “greenish-brown claws.”
There are also two videos where Bieber allegedly shape-shifts into a lizard at Perth airport and another where his eyes flash between human and lizard-like during a court hearing in 2014. Hillary Clinton, Miley Cyrus, Katy Perry, and other celebrities also have videos with alleged lizard transformations.
Recently there were sightings of a lizard man during the solar eclipse in South Carolina. Although the Lizard Man is essentially South Carolina’s equivalent to Bigfoot, it doesn’t leave out the possibility that the creature is related to the secret race of Reptilians.
“The Atlantic” released a list, sourced from, of characteristics to look out for if one wishes to try and spot a shape-shifter: eyes that change color between blue/green and hazel, psychic abilities, an interest in UFOs and science, reddish hair, unexplained scars, ESP or sixth sense, a capability to disrupt electrical appliances, and many other abilities.
A Professional American conspiracy theorist David Icke maintains the belief that the Queen of England is a blood-thirsty, shape-shifting lizard.
“It’s no wonder that she’s still living, she has a whole country to feed off of and a whole government to cover it up,” Icke said hysterically during one of his lectures. “Americans are the only ones who know enough to back me up, the brits just call me crazy.”
Icke has published 16 books of his theories and believes lizard people are behind the murders of Princess Diana, John F. Kennedy, as well as the 9/11 attacks. and many others like it compile videos of alleged lizard shape-shifters, ranging from political leaders such as Barack Obama and Clinton to a myriad of other American celebrities.
While most Americans might not believe that their government is being controlled by a hidden alien species and celebrities who aren’t really who they say they are, the amount of evidence and information people have gathered on blogs and in archives is enough to send Americans into a frenzy.


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